Grumpy talk on the trail

By Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff

I suppose it’s the human thing on a hiking trail to acknowledge one another when passing. But on a well-used trail, the same comments come up time and time again.

“Good Morning.” As an introvert I don’t understand why I have to say Good Morning to every member of a 30-person group. Nor does Good Afternoon roll of the tongue as nicely. Too many plosives and fricatives. Yesterday I got yelled at for not saying a cheery enough “Good Morning” to a passing hiker. I did not realize I was at a Downtown Abbey garden party.

Then there’s the consoling “You’re Almost There” hello. For one thing, I am almost never almost there when assured that I am. Volunteers at 10-Ks or marathons are warned to never, ever, tell someone they are almost there. Almost there is when you can see the parking lot.

An annoying question is “Everything OK”? Why are they asking this? Admittedly I have more gray hair than brown, but do I look so decrepit that they are concerned about my well being?  What would they do if I said, “It would really be 0K if you took my pack!”

“How you doing?” Do they really want to know that my trick hip is acting up, and my pack irritates that weird spot on my scapula? Probably not. 

“Good Luck.” Again, why? Is the only thing that will assure my success a whim of fate? I used to answer, “In the words of the immortal solo climber of Mount Everest, Reinhold Messner, ‘I do not believe in luck.’” That usually gets me a blank look.

“Where did you start and how long did it take you?” People usually ask me this while hiking in Grand Canyon. But why ask a random stranger how they did? I’m not racing. One woman asked me this at Bryce Canyon National Park because she and her boyfriend were attempting a loop. She thought they were on the wrong trail, but her boyfriend thought she was wrong. Turned out he was the one who was wrong, and he wasn’t happy about finding that out.

“Is it really harder hiking uphill?” Is this a trick question?

“Where are you going?” That seems a deep philosophical question to pose to a complete stranger. 

“How was it?” I guess I could answer on a scale of one to ten…

“Was it worth it?”  I’m always tempted to reply, “No, turn around now.” 

“Does this trail go anywhere?” “No,” I want to say, “it just kind of sits there.”

“If I hike down this trail, is there another way out?”  Not really: Walk in, walk out, is usually the case. 

Sometimes a joker will ask, “Are we there yet?”  “I sometimes answer, ‘Buddha would say, ‘We are always there.’ That gets me a laugh now and then.”

Several times I have been asked where the next shuttle bus stop is. If this is asked while on a trail in the Grand Canyon, the answer is “A mile back and a thousand feet up the way you came.” Poleaxed stare. “The bus doesn’t come down here?”  “No,” I want to say, “they tend to stick to the paved road.”

One young man told me, “I hope I can do this.”  I said, “It looks as though you are.”  “No, I mean when I am as old as you.” I guess I can take that as a compliment. Then there is the compliment: “I hope I’m as fit as you when I’m your age.” I want to reply: “I might be as fit as your age!”

A friend who let her hair go grey during COVID told me that she gets a lot more positive comments than she used to: “Young hikers used to mutter under their breath when I passed them. Now they tend to do a thumbs up and say, ‘Good for you.’”

I was hiking one day with a group of women who have hiked the West on trails for years, when a man stepped to the side to let us pass. He beamed at us as he said, “You ladies look radiant.”  Now that is the kind of trail talk I like.

Marjorie ‘Slim’ Woodruff is a contributor to Writers on the Range, writersontherange.org, an independent nonprofit dedicated to spurring lively conversation about the West. She is an educator at the bottom of Grand Canyon. 

This column was published in the following newspapers:

08/19/2024 Craig Daily Press Craig co
08/19/2024 Steamboat Pilot Steamboat Springs CO
08/19/2024 Wallowa County Chieftain Enterprise OR
08/20/2024 Explore Big Sky Big Sky MT
08/20/2024 Vail Daily Vail CO
08/20/2024 Grand Junction Daily Sentinel Grand Junction CO
08/21/2024 Summit Daily frisco co
08/21/2024 Montrose Daily Press Montrose CO
08/21/2024 The Mountain Mail Pagosa Springs CO
08/21/2024 Moab Times Independent Moab UT
08/21/2024 Aspen Daily News Aspen CO
08/21/2024 Whitehall Ledger Whitehall MT
08/21/2024 Denver Post Denver CO
08/22/2024 Lake Powell Chronicle Page AZ
08/22/2024 Boulder Daily Camera Boulder CO
08/22/2024 Limon Leader Limon CO
08/22/2024 Arizona Silver Belt Globe AZ
08/23/2024 Wenatchee World Wenatchee WA
08/23/2024 Pagosa Springs Sun Pagosa Springs CO
08/23/2024 Laramie Boomerang Laramie WY
08/23/2024 Taos News Taos NM
08/25/2024 Glenwood Post Independent Glenwood Springs CO
08/26/2024 High Country Shopper Paonia CO
08/22/2024 Moab Times Independent Moab UT
08/29/2024 Mineral County Miner Monte Vista CO
08/29/2024 Del Norte Prospector Del Norte CO
08/29/2024 Monte Vista Journal Monte Vista CO
08/29/2024 Center Post Dispatch Center CO
08/29/2024 South Fork Tines South Fork CO
08/29/2024 Alamosa Valley Courier Alamosa CO
09/05/2024 Carbon County News Red Lodge MT
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ELAINE KALLOS
1 month ago

You are indeed a grumpy hiker. I always briefly speak, say a simple “Hi!” to people and I appreciate their return greeting as this is a human connection. I believe in and need human connection. Maybe it’s because I’ve lost my beloved partner Paul, don’t have any family, but I have always appreciated being acknowledged as a fellow human walking a trail with other fellow humans. I have never understood why it’s so damned hard to simply smile, or raise a friendy finger, or nod, at least, if you’re too shy or introverted to say “hi”. But I very much am glad for every chance to be positive, to connect. I am glad for and appreciate kind, friendly, human others. My mom always said it’s not hard to smile. She’s right. Plus a friendly human acknowledgment makes me smile, makes me think we’re enjoying this together, and that I’m recognized as a worthwhile person. It’s one more ugly when someone cannot at least smile at or acknowledge a fellow human. I need/want positives, not uglies. I recognize some people’s need for isolation and non-recognition, but I’d hope you’d recognize my simple need for simple acknowledgement.

I don’t know when I’ll come across a grumpy hiker like you but I am grateful for all the others who smile, acknowledge me as fellow human, and share the joy of being Outside with them, walking a lovely trail. Again, it’s human connection and I’m glad for it. No one is trying to annoy you; they’re simply wanting to briefly share aloud with other humans, to acknowledge them as worthy beings. Yes, folks can sometimes say the wrong thing and I hate ageism. But I am glad for those brief human interactions on trail, appreciate that we are all enjoying and sharing Nature together, and that I am not just an invisible nothing to others. It’s a joyous connection I refuse to miss. Thank you to all who smile and acknowledge me as a fellow human like you, and for enjoying our hike together.

Tami
1 month ago

Thanks for a good chuckle! Funny article, esp as I get older!

Georgia Wagner
1 month ago

This article made me chuckle, and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m a 76-year-old seasoned hiker in Colorado, and I love to speak to other hikers (and other walkers when I’m just walking on a sidewalk or elsewhere), even if they don’t acknowledge me at all. Sometimes they say hi back to me and sometimes they don’t, but either way is OK. It’s a challenge of sorts to see who will reply to my greeting and who will choose to ignore me. It makes my day when someone I meet beats me to the punch and says hello or good morning first. My philosophy is….acknowledge others, and, who knows?…you may make THEIR day! Your article gave me a new perspective, which I welcome. Those who ignore me probably are in your camp, and now I get it. But I’m gonna keep hiking, keep greeting people, and keep hoping for the best. You know, maybe there’s one person on the trail who just needs to see a smile or hear a “good morning” in order to have a much better day!

Alice Robison
1 month ago

3 words: white, entitled, unaware

Martin Gross
1 month ago

Like you, I would have had it up to here with absolute niceties. I’m 78, and I use a walker. Enough said. “I was doing just fine until you came along.” Suffice it to say if protocol encourages it, who am I to object? “See you on the downside.”

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